- First Born: Natural Leader, High Achiever, Organized, On-Time, Know-It-All, Bossy, Responsible, Adult Pleaser, Obeys the Rules
- Second Born: Flexible, Easy-Going, Social, Peacemaker, Independent, Secretive, Life May Feel Unfair, Strong Negotiator, Generous
- Third Born: Risk-Taker, Outgoing, Creative, Self-Centered, Financially Irresponsible, Competitive, Bored Easily, Likes to be Pampered, Sense of Humor
taken from Birth Order Characteristics
Ummm…..not so much.
It’s been all the talk for quite a while now, this birth order thing, how your entrance into the family designates a propensity toward certain personality traits and characteristics. I’ve read some books and poured over some articles and even examined some of the research while completing my Psychology degree last century.
And then I had a passel of kids.
And I had more than three.
And I’m starting to think this is all a bunch of hooey…at least at my house.
You see, 1 of 8 has never fit the mold. Ever. She arrived to the beat of her own drummer and decided that she would even redo the beat on occasion. At her first dance recital, while all the other little ballerinas went through their memorized and prescribed steps, 1 of 8 winged a whole different choreography on the other side of the stage, glorying in a dance fest all her own. She early in life took to wearing multiple, un-matched layers of clothing. If everyone else is going right, she’ll go left. If a couple people follow her, she’ll zig-zag. She shows appropriate respect for adults, but doesn’t have a goal of pleasing them all.
1 of 8 apparently didn’t get the First Born List when we left the hospital with her.
And then 2 of 8 showed up. And she probably got the list and has it filed somewhere, but decided it should be edited to include her agenda of world domination….a very Un-Second Born thing to do.
2 of 8 doesn’t have the notion that life is unfair…life is something to be managed, organized and labeled. All the extended family took to giving 2 of 8 office supplies for gifts, and she is always delighted. One of her prized possessions is a super duper labeler that has been used on every item in her closet and drawers. 2 of 8 could design spreadsheets before she could spell the term. Perhaps it’s because 1 of 8 abdicated the Oldest Child throne to follow her one true love Whimsy, but 2 of 8 far more wears the FB crown…after all, someone has to run the Kid Kingdom.
And then there is 3 of 8. Now, some birth order theory says that when you are second or third in line but the first of your gender in the line-up, it can render a different affect, sort of a mish-mash of First Born/Third Born characteristics, if you will. Ummm….again….hooey. 3 of 8 is extremely financially responsible. He doesn’t believe in taking risks and will carefully examine roller coasters, seat belt clips and weed-eater safety guards before undertaking associated activities with those items. He doesn’t do Bored…after all, there are dragons to draw, books to read, forts to build and video games to beat. And there are always sisters to pester.
Then comes the complete undoing of the theory…4, 5, 6, 7 & 8 of 8…and what do you do with that? And who decided that the birth order thing would address first, middle and last and then hit the reset button? And what do you do if you have twins last….is the one that’s four minutes younger going to be truly treated so differently that he will be rendered substantially different in his birth order experience than his four minutes older twin?
So what is our need to explain the beauty of individuality with charts and lists? Given the breadth of experiences and perceptions available within any family, is it necessary to catalog and create expectation on a child simply because of their position in the line-up? Are we simply observing similarities or are we creating expectations of behaviors and then chalking it up to family order? Can’t we just let the fragile buds of our progeny come into full bloom in a supportive garden of celebration of individuality, absence of labeling, nutrients of self-discovery and revelation?
And then the disclaimer: I am the First Born child in my family of origin. I don’t think my folks knew there was a list. I don’t think they herded me into the First Born Label. And I….fit…. the ….profile….to a ‘t’. Except bossy. I don’t do bossy. I had it benevolently beaten out of me…but that’s a different post.
So what about you? Do you fit the profile? Do your kids, nieces, nephews, grandkids? Is it just our need to label and categorize something as wild and unpredictable as the human personality? Or is it the genius observation of how our family position shapes our selves? Feel free to post a comment or compose your own post on these questions and put your name and the url of your post in the Mr Linky’s box below. Come on, all you First Borns–don’t you feel a sense of duty to complete this assignment?
Really interesting this one. I do fit the first born personality type. But I had an older brother who died before I was born. Does that still make me the oldest? I know that my parents treated me differently than they might have otherwise done, and that must have shaped my character somewhat. What about cousins, nieces, and nephews who are very close in age and who are in and out of each other’s families, and any miscarriages or deaths that may warp or restructure the order?
Just a thought!
My brother (firstborn), me (middle) and my sister all fit the personality types perfectly. but like you said, what if there are more? my youngest sister (born 4th) is more like your “1 of 8” and where does she fit in?
I am 4 1/2 years younger than my older and only sibling. And we fit the types almost perfectly BUT reversed!!! My brother has a disability so due to these circumstances we switched roles. I find theories interesting and see a lot of the characteristics in my children. But totally agree that kids will never fit perfectly into molds–and many will totally defy them. I love that–God’s creations are much more complex than anyone’s theories.
I was an only child for 16 years. My brother is now a teenager. So are we technically both only children {I got married when he was three, so I was out of the house after that}?
I look at our children, and the lists never really explain kids following the 3rd or 4th child. I’ve never tried to fit my kids in this pigeonhole. I think each child, in any birth order, will have distinct personalities. Even multiples. 🙂
We always make it a point to nurture whatever talent/passion they have, and treat them as individuals. We believe it is important {especially in big families} to feel they are just as important as the next one.
I remember being scared when we got pregnant for our second child. I wondered how in the world I could ever love a child as much as we loved our first. I think the best thing anyone said to alleviate this fear was from my dad. He said:”Love is like a flame. You can split it up as many times as you want, and each flame is just as bright, and the first one never fades.” {sorry if it is a bit confusing, he told me this in French, I am giving you a loose translation.} I thought of this and it was so very true. With proper oxygen and caring, the flames could burn just as nicely from the original candle.
With each child we had, it was a love that was just as strong, but so very different. Each child brings out something from inside of you that is different, as much as they are different from each other. It is not more or less love, just a strong “individual” love. As an only child growing up, with no brothers or sisters {technically} I never understood how “multiple” love was done. With our family structure {7 kids}, I have learned that love is an incredible thing. Have you felt this with your many kids too, Octamom? 🙂
I like Dr. Ray Guarendi’s advice – if you want to avoid middle-child syndrome, have an even number of kids. Obviously, as the father of 10, he thinks the birth order thing is a bunch of hooey also.
Out of my 7 siblings, we three eldest fit in the molds fairly well. My second brother is the one that deviates the most from his supposed mold. The other five sibs? Not so much .. I agree with you, I think it’s all in personality, and that is divided up by our Maker. All that birth order stuff is just a bunch of hulabaloo to me. :o)
I am the first born. I am a combination of 1 & 3. I am a Know-It-All, Bossy, Responsible, Adult Pleaser, Obeys the Rules but I am also Creative, Self-Centered, Financially Irresponsible, Competitive, Bored Easily, Likes to be Pampered, Sense of Humor. This leaves my brother who is the middle child. He is the journalist who is generous to a fault. Everyone likes him which can't be said so much about me and my opinionated self. I can't see how a house of 10 could have the same dynamics of a house of two or how anyone can pigeon hole people into categories like these but then look who is talking…The psychologist teaching the gifted and talented. It is my job to categorize people. :]
so fun…and you know, my 4 don’t really fit that well. i would take a fighter who has passion any day. all of my kids are completely different…and i do think you may be able to get a job doing analysis on people! good work
Apropos of nothing, I was just wondering – how do you manage all your kids in church? I seem to spend all my time hovering at the back trying to participate, but still be able to get a screaming child out of earshot as quickly as possible. Any tips?
Firstly I LOVE THE NEW LOOK!!
I am a second born…and do tend to “fit” the profile! And yes my 3 rat bags also fit their respective profiles quite well too!Althouhg number 2 tens to start wars rather than peace make!! LOL
Hugs to all 🙂
I come from a family of three. My sisters and I fit that mold almost perfectly. My kids are still too young to determine anything, but so far it does seem that my son, the oldest, is heading in that direction. We’ll see!
Yep, I’m first born and fit that description perfectly… including bossy! 🙂 (it’s just to keep the others on the straight and narrow… they ‘need’ it! 😉 Not sure what to say about the twins. It’s a total mix.
I have 5 kids. The first three (all boys, all very close in age) do fit that exact profile, so much it’s scary. Then, yes, I think we hit the ol’ reset button and now I have 2 girls, very close in age, four year gap between them and the boys) and they too seem to be fitting that proflie again. I’m a first born, as is my hubby and we are two very anal, world domination kinda people. But we keep it in our own little universe. Lots of kids tends to keep you occupied as you may know – you are my idol!
I’m a first born and would totally fit the first born profile except that I’m a Pisces. 🙂
I have 2 kids and it was scary how accurate the descriptions were. Holy cow… I have heard rumblings of birth order…and in my case, that was “dead on.”
BTW…totally enjoying the fall theme!
Just “happened” across your blog and had to comment. I read through a lot of old posts, and enjoyed my time here. I appreciated some of your posts on homeschooling and your chore chart, etc. We have 7 children, 10 years old and under–boy, then 5 girls (including 2 yr. old twins, and then a 5 mo. old boy. I homeschool as well, and we just started today. We usually start in August, but I was trying to get the house decluttered and organized more before starting for the year. Did it happen? No! LOL So, we are starting off in the midst of chaos anyway. Thanks for the reminder that life is bound to be a bit “crazy” at times with homeschooling our many blessings! Any more tips you come up with for me, feel free to email! LOL elireeves(at)stny(dot)rr(dot)com
Ah, the birth order theory. I love it. And can’t stand it. All at the same time!
Me: 1 of 3. Exceedingly know-it-all, have-to-have-the-last-word, overachiever with a side of people-pleaser drenched in “if you follow my zig, I’ll zag.” Yes, I know this seems counterintuitive. But, you’re absolutely right, this theory has as many grey areas as…as…well, I can’t think of a proper analogy right now.
My husband: 4 of 4. Was born 12 years after 3 of 4. This leaves him with the ultimate identity crisis. Only child, baby of the family, oh man…he is a piece of work. And that’s why we love him!!
My husband and I are both first-borns and forever butting heads. AND we have an Only. Should be smooth sailing ahead, don’t you think?
I really love your posts about your children – this is just lovely to read!!
Our family fits the birth order to a tee!
I have an older brother, me in the middle and a younger sister.
I think the birth order only applies if you have only 3 children.
Your story telling always makes an interesting read….I feel I know your family so well.
Hugs to all
Peggy
I am the First Born in my family and had to smile..I did feel compelled to post on this. I will post on this on Wordful Wednesday at my place but with a bit of a slant. I will post about the Power of Words. This post was wonderful!
I’ve ready those ideas on birth order before, maybe in psych class 6 years ago. Not sure if they apply, as my kids are individual. I can direct them somewhat to a behavior I prefer. I can guess how each will respond to a specific situation and change the way we interact accordingly.
Hahaha!
My kids fit it to a ‘t’ — I was never a believer until I had my own. The oldest is only ‘oldest’ by ONE MINUTE and he could have been the Poster Child of First Born.
It’s OK. I love them all anyway. And their individuality will be fostered and encouraged.
Thanks for insightful reading. Very fun!
I fit the profile for my birth order, but I also have a lot of the characteristics of the other two…. Only one child of my own, so she’ll probably have characteristics of them all, too.
I missed this post, but Angie led me back to it and I’m glad she did. This is SO interesting to me since I have triplets. I’m not quite sure my first born is going to fit into the characteristics that have been laid out for her….it might be too early to tell. My #2 and #3 definitely have some of the traits listed. My #2 will be an organizer too!
It’s funny. I have 3 older brothers and in my family the descriptions for first and third are opposite with my brothers but the second one is spot on!
But for my oldest the first born characteristics certainly fit!
Yeah really!! Good point. I’m number 4 of six, yet exhibit many of the middle child symdrome factors. WHAT ABOUT ME!?!?! How do you discuss birth order and completely neglect children from 4 on??
Weird.
Ps Angie from the Crazy Circus sent me!! 🙂
Well I’m #5 of eight but almost like it was a separate family….. My parents had four and then 6 years later had me followed by 3 more. I kinda fit that first born thing .. I’m not a pleaser but am BOSSY! In my family we call that the big sister syndrome. The oldest fits the bill pretty well also.
Now with my own personal kids, I can see a lot of the first child traits in my son…. I can also see a lot of them in #4 as he is adopted and was a first child. the second and third child theories don’t fly with me.
Thanks for this post and for making me think!
May I have your #2? Not ONE of my children is organized. It drives me nuts as I am a Franklin Covey Planner die-hard. I have a label maker. And office supplies for gifts would be THE ULTIMATE.
And I agree.. that is a bunch of hooey! Serious hooey. My #1 and 2 have severe ADHD. My #3 (of 5) sounds like #1 should. And my twins #'s 4 & 5 are only 2.
Love your blog!