I’m sitting on my bed, computer in my lap. History Channel is blaring on the television, 3 of 8 mesmerized by a special on giant box jelly fish. The twins are freshly out of the tub, hair damp, one of them sporting only a diaper, one of them in the buff. They have opened an entire package of diapers and are throwing them all over the bed, bouncing up and down, giggling hysterically at each other’s antics. Michael has finally come in from the office and is reheating the quiche I made hours ago for dinner, bringing his plate into our room to watch the mayhem.
And I need to leave in 20 minutes to go pick up 2 of 8 from a late evening dance practice.
So naturally, this is the time I decided to write about the importance of ‘Me’ time.
I’m such the poster child for balance.
Or lack thereof.
4 of 8 has now wandered into the bedroom to ask if she can dig into our collection of jewelry making supplies to create a necklace.
Fine. Whatever.
I’m trying to have a little ‘Me’ time.
Dixie Mom asks:
Oh, Girl.
I feel ya.
Ironically, I’m the first one to tell my friends how much they need to have alone time, how important it is to take a deep breath, take a few moments, recharge the batteries.
Ironic because I’m not very good at doing that very thing.
Back in the days when we had half the number of kiddos we have now, I had a college student who would come one morning a week. 1 of 8 was in public school at the time, 2 and 3 of 8 were in preschool, and my cheerful college student would come to play with 4 of 8 so I could run a few errands, grab a little coffee with a friend, what have you. I chose to hire her over getting a cleaning lady or someone to help with the yard: it was worth it to me to spend that spot of budget on that Tuesday morning ‘Me’ time.
And then the college student married and moved away. And I started homeschooling the kids. And then we had 5 of 8. And the budget got tighter because we discovered we would be buying hearing aids for 4 of 8. And then 6 of 8 was born.
And the ‘me‘ got taken out of ‘time‘.
The trend continued as we entered a season of a radical relocation five years ago, a move that took us many miles from extended family and community. The kids and I spent a great deal of time traveling and adjusting to our new locale. It took quite a while to feel settled and we never did find someone who could babysit on a regular basis.
But time marches on and I now have two older teenagers in the house. While their schedules are busy and we have never wanted the older kids to feel that they had to ‘co-parent’, we do ask to hire one of them from time to time so that Michael and I can have a date. And I do ask one of the girls to babysit on Fridays when I do my big grocery shopping. I feel like such a maverick, slinking into Costco, going to the food court and treating myself to a slice of cheese pizza and a mocha latte.
So I do have some issues with getting some ‘Me’ time right now.
Which is what the running and the ability to tune out is all about.
I do try to hit the treadmill frequently, my iPod blaring the top 40 hits from my high school years.
And I have developed the ability to meditate that would rival a Tibetan monk.
Except that when I say meditate, I mean ‘tune out’ everything but a code red fight brewing in the other room and any squeals or screams that would indicate injury.
Focus. Breathe. Type.
There’s the blogging. While tuning out the chaos. Yep. That’s my usual writing environment. I don’t know if I could write in the quiet.
But when I hit sensory overload in the joyful noise that is the soundtrack of my home, I find that I revert to my natural night owl ways. A few late night hours immersed in a book, some bubble time in the tub when the rest of the house is asleep, those little moments help me recharge.
And I would tell you about how I’m really an introvert masquerading as an extrovert. And I would tell you that it’s a good thing for me to learn this level of focus and patience. And I would tell you that you should do as I say and not as I do on this topic, that you should make sure you have some time and space.
I would do all this. But I’ve got to jump in the van and go get 2 of 8 from dance.
And I’m going to have the kids stay home with Mike.
Because the 15 minute drive to the dance school is going to be my ‘Me’ time.
In this season, I’ve gotten very adept at mining small moments in a field of busy.
I will drive. And I will listen to myself think.
In the quiet.
With the music of the van’s engine accompanying my thoughts.
I started to write a comment, but it turned into blog post length, so you will have to come see my response to today’s post.
Hugs,
Annemarie
I am sometimes surprised at what my brain can come up with when I am able to be on my own. I used to think all the time, now I am feeling like I am in constant problem solver mode – solution focused. Me time lets me think again, get creative.
I’m not sure if you are still taking questions about your life and family. If you are, I’d love to ask a few…Specifically, these:
How do you handle keeping up with the house, laundry and cleaning? Do you involve the children. If so, do they collect an allowance. At what age do you give them specific chores? I’m very curious how you can stay on top of things with a large house and lots of kids (laundry).Your house always looks so neat in all your pictures. We only have three children and a small house, but most days I feel like my house is “kicking my butt”, LOL!
Also, what curriculum do you use for your kiddos. We are also a homeschooling family.
I’m sure I’ll think of tons more questions, but these are ones that keep surfacing over the past couple of weeks, so I just had to ask them.
Thanks so much for answering all these questions that have been thrown at you. I appreciate your transparency. Its refreshing.
Thanks for your honest “reality bites” answer. š You are awesome. I find myself falling into the same pattern as you. We go to a great church with a lot of young people, and I thought there were potential babysitters everywhere! But, it seems like their lives are even busier than mine! I will post on this today too. You are an inspiration and encouragement.
Enjoy those heavenly 15 minutes!
You sound like the type of person who has thrown her passion for whatever she would be working on into the direction of her home and children and family. You do a good job at whatever you are doing. š
Me time is all relative. I think at some times in our lives we have more time for it than others. A 15 minute car drive by yourself counts for something!
Great post! I pretty much do the same thing now…stay up late, get up early or just tune out the noise…for the most part, those help me to ‘recharge’…once in a blue moon I take a specific day/time and get help and do something by myself…
I read somewhere that Susanna Wesley would just knee on the floor and throw her apron over her head and that was her ‘quiet time’!!! š
Blessings!
I am not alone! Thanks for the food today, read several of your posts…smiled knowingly.
My 8 children are the same ages as yours and we drive the 15-pass van, have a dumb dog…I could go on. I appreciate your candid honest posts. Blessings!
Even with just one child, ME doesn’t show up that often in my tiME either…. However, my husband is wonderful at helping around the house, and Hannah can entertain herself quite nicely. But for me, I find ME time at the bookstore, browsing around and sipping a mocha frapp. I used to do this a lot… A LOT. Now, it really is a special moment to inhale the aroma of books and bakery for a little while.
Roban
Thank you for that! I have friends who ask when I get “me” time. They don’t have 7 children, and a very tight (as in can’t breath!) budget. Oh they have no idea!! I guess my “me” time is when I drop the three oldest off for piano lessons and my mom has the younger four at home while I run errands or grocery shop. It works for me, for now. It’ll seem like in the blink of an eye and my children will be grown and gone and I’ll have all the “me” time in the world and I’ll long for these days. *Sigh*
Well if you ever need a babysitter let me know! š I’d love to help you get some “me” time sometime!!
Okay, you hit home again… I have also learned to take moments of joy, instead of expecting days, or weeks or whatever. As the kids get older it IS a little easier, but… I don’t want to miss out on the “now” as I wait anxiously for the “soon”. You truly do have such a way with words. I loved the line “the joyful noise that is the soundtrack of my home”, and I understand “I’m really an introvert masquerading as an extrovert”. I have always portrayed the extrovert, which has my husband stumped, and am TRYING to manage the introvert side of me which will not hide or be stifled any longer. Kind of scary getting to REKNOW your own self sometimes. But… At least I know God has a purpose for it… š
Technically, I do have “me” time since my girls are both in school during the day.
But it’s awfully hard to consider that “me” time when it’s chock full of laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning and errands – pretty much doing everything for everyone else. How is that “me” time?
Soon the girls will be out of school for the summer and any “me” time will disappear for a little over 2 months, along with my sanity.
your reference to driving as “me time” totally reminded me of a couple months after LL was born. We were so overwhelmed and I was not sleeping at all. I would run to target, the food store, bed/bath/beyond as often as I could just to be in the car and listen to music. I would only be away for 30-60 minutes, but I was totally recharged!
My me time is at my job. I sit in a chair and get paid to talk to grown ups on the phone. On weekends, it is so quiet that I can read, knit or study. Of course, the house gets in even worse shape if I am not here on a daily basis.