Maybe it was a wish.
Maybe it was a statement.
For whatever reason, as the months clicked by and 7 of 8 still wasn’t walking, I started buying her shoes.
Little pink boots with bouncy pink pom-poms. Chocolate brown Mary Janes with pink flowers embroidered on them. Fushia crocs, tie-dyed in pattern, hot pink fleece lining the inside.
Shoes.
Because I wanted to believe that one day she would overcome the effects of the stroke.
And walk.
She loved wearing her wardrobe of shoes. We would strap them on her little feet. She would admire them. And then she would resume walking on her knees.
The toes of her little shoes became worn and smudged as she scurried around patella-ped.
I began to wonder if I needed to find her pink knee pads rather than shoes.
She’s a tease, my 7 of 8. She has taken steps from time to time, filling my heart with hope. We had an amazing day a couple of months ago when she took ten steps all on her own. She’s thrown us all a little on this walking issue. We were initially much more concerned about her left arm, how weak it seemed, how tightly clinched she held her fist. Her leg didn’t seem to have as much impact from the stroke. But as she passed through being 18 months old, and then 19 months old and is now over 2 years old, she still prefers her zippy little knee walk over rising to her feet.
Hence my toddler shoe shopping therapy.
I’m ready for her to wear down the heels of her shoes rather than the tops.
I came home yesterday with a new pair. She’s outgrown the winter shoe wardrobe. I longed to get her little sandals, strappy little glitter pink numbers. But her little left foot is rebelling at the idea of resting on the natural pads along the bottom of the foot. She holds it in a severe pronated position, her instep flattened to the ground. So I found some Disney Princess sneakers, a dazzling concoction of glitter and pink, licensed Disney princess characters emblazoned on the sides. And LED lights sparkle from the heels and sides every time she takes a step.
And steps she is taking.
She has walked several times in her new shoes, criss-crossing the living room in an uneven gait. She holds her right arm out in front of her, the fulcrum of her unsure balance. She fixes her eyes on the floor ahead of her, her face a study of concentration and goal. And when she reaches her destination, she looks up into all of our faces, looking for approval and encouragement.
And then she checks out those new princess sneakers again.
I think I may get her another pair of princess shoes, a pair to keep in the box, to put up on the high shelf of my closet. That shoe box will hold another fragment of dream for her, another prayer. They’ll probably be pink. They’ll probably have some glitter. And I think they will have a little heel to them, maybe a strap or two. I want them to be her first ‘grown-up’ shoes, her first pair of heels, her first pair to go with a dressy dress.
Because I don’t just want to see her walk in those shoes.
I want to see her dance.
Oh, honey. I wonder if our children will ever realize the depths of our dreams for them until they are grown with children of their own. Who knew the princesses could work such magic?
My own three year old is getting ready to perform in her first ballet recital this weekend. Her class will dance to Disney's "Every Girl can be a Princess". I thought you could use a little dose of the lyrics. (It's sung by Cinderella…)
Every girl can be a princess.
Any dream can be,
close your eyes and see.
A magic wand and soon you've gone,
from just you to royalty.
You don't need a grand old castle, rising in the air.
Maids to brush your hair.
Your heart is pure,
you're thoughtful,
surely princess
you're almost there.
Why just put on a tiara
and you aren't the same old you.
My life changed so completely by just putting on a shoe.. who knew?
I will keep your little girl in my prayers. I firmly believe the dance will come.
Blessings to you, friend.
– Julia at Midwest Moms
There's tears here!
So happy to hear about her steps, so happy that she has a mummy that wants to help her and wants to challange her. So happy she has her princess shoes!
And dance she will.
It's amazing the everyday things that become more precious when we have to struggle to do them, or watch someone struggle. The sight of a little baby taking those first steps is always precious, but even more so for 7 of 8.
What a wonderful post. I also have a son that did not walk until he was 2. He still holds his arms up but he is walking. He is a blessing and my hero. It will happen in her own time. Hide those shoes on a tall shelf but don't forget about them. She will use them one day!
Cindi
Each of our children hold their own issues and to read your heart well you my friend are a mom and a blessing.
I have tears. What an beautiful post.
I pray she will dance too.
Oh, she'll dance alright. I just know it. š
Beautiful post!
I love this post. I work with kids with a variety of disabilities and although I don't get it from a mom's standpoint, and certainly don't even pretend to, I get it. And I LOVE it. š
Mmmm…that touched my heart. Hugs to you!
You know there is a quote in the movie Shiloh…it says you know how much something means to you when you see how much you had to fight for it. That is not a direct quote, but my kids could probably say it word for word. It is the words that made me cry as we were finalizing the adoption of 3 of our children. Someday…..she will dance. Blessings!!!!!
Such powerful writing – there are tears in my eyes!
I am praying for 7 of 8 too. And I definitely believe in dreams coming true! I know she will dance.
Love and blessings.
Oh my, you have made me cry Julie, because I know what you are feeling.
Will didn't take his first real steps until he was 24 months old and walked on his knees as well and it's so hard to want for our children and not have it when we expect.
It will all happen in His time. Have faith. She has taken steps before, so you know the ability is there. The Lord is just waiting for just the right moment when you most need to see it and it will happen.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings.
That was so poignant – you made me sniffle this morning.
It doesn't seem too much to ask, to see your child dance, does it?
I hope you get your wish.
What a sweet post…*sniffle, sniffle*!
Thanks for sharing!
Reading your blog never fails to touch my heart. We have those same princess shoes, and I will forever think of 7 of 8 when Marshie wears them. *HUGS*
Awwww! Lovely thoughts for 7 of 8!
She will, I just know it.
And, I've got to say that the light-up LED shoes was a genius idea. Of course, that will encourage her steps… a little celebration on her feet for every attempt.
-Abby
I love your blog, I don't remember how I got here, but arrive I did. I, too have a child who is a stroke survivor. She is 9, sometimes she wears a brace, she has had botox and surgery but she walks and runs and rides a bike and a horse and yes, she dances! 7 of 8 will, too. I don't suggest your visit to http://www.chasa.org because you seem to need it, you seem to be on top of things~therapy, dr.s, emotions, faith. . .but because chasa could use you and your sphere of influence. Please take a look.
I'm not sure exactly why, but by the time i finished reading your post, I had tears sliding silently down my face.
What a little gem you have!
Does she have a favorite princess?
What a sweet post. It reminds me of what I have in my two princesses and for me not to take them for granted